Celebrating your 20th anniversary is a good indicator of the right relationship.
I think there are many people in the world a given person is compatible with. However, those relationships will be right in different ways.
A relationship is wrong if you can’t communicate openly or you feel like they are trampling over your personality.
Not sure to understand the question? How could you not know?
If you’re thinking about finding the ‘perfect’ partner, forget about that. It’s a lie. It’s something fabricated to sell ads, page views and subscriptions to shitty services. Nobody (including you and me), nobody is perfect. So, no relationship can be perfect.
My spouse and I have been together for 25+ years and counting. It was quite obvious very early on we’re fitting together nicely but that was far from being a perfect match and we had a few rough times and, all those years later, we can still have. But we’ve quickly realized how lucky we were to have found each other, and we valued that enough to get over any difficulty or hardship. And we still do.
So, to me that’s a ‘right relationship’, just not ‘the’ right one as we could as easily have both been as happy with someone else if things had been different ;)
I second you on the point about a “perfect partner”. However I still think a relationship can be “perfect”, because a relationship is much more than just the two people involved.
As long as we accept that no realistic relationship is completely without conflict, I would say that a “perfect relationship” involves being able to work through the issues that inevitably show up. It’s something you build together, not something you just have.
My impression is that the current “dating economy” breaks this perception a bit, to the point where a lot of people end up looking for the “perfect partner” that they automatically form the “perfect relationship” with, and aren’t willing to do much hard work to build that relationship. I don’t think that kind of “perfect relationship” (without any work) exists.
As long as we accept that no realistic relationship is completely without conflict, I would say that a “perfect relationship” involves being able to work through the issues that inevitably show up. It’s something you build together, not something you just have.
Isn’t it what I just wrote? Real question (my English is lacking so…)
I didn’t mean to come off as disagreeing with you, I think we generally agree. My point was that I think there can be such a thing as a “perfect relationship”, as long as we have a realistic idea of what that entails. I definitely agree that the idea of a “perfect relationship” that a lot of media tries to sell us is completely unrealistic though.
Your english is great btw :)
Confucius say:
“Relationships are like fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit”
The wrong relationship one is a tricky thing to answer
For me, it has always been when the happiness they bring during the good times isn’t worth the pain of the bad
When it’s right, it’s impossible to pin down
I have the most amazing fiancée in the world.
I’ve been married for many years, I’ve had other serious relationships
This woman is everything to me. Colours are brighter, food tastes better, flowers, sunrises, mountain views and all the other beautiful things are more wonderful because of her
It’s like I was seeing the world with a dimmer before she came into my life
That’s why I know she is right for me
I also choose this guys fiancé
She’s something special. She is spectacularly gorgeous, she turns heads everywhere we go, but she’s only beautiful to me because of what she carries within her. She is the kindest and most compassionate person I have known
Her eyes are so bright that they put a summer’s day to shame, and in her eyes I can see her inner beauty shining through
She has had many guys ask her to marry them.
Rich, powerful, successful guys
She couldn’t care less. She has the biggest heart, and she’s true to what she believes in
I’m the luckiest bastard on Earth
This woman is everything to me. Colours are brighter, food tastes better, flowers, sunrises, mountain views and all the other beautiful things are more wonderful because of her
That sounds nice but be careful. You’re talking about another human being here, not just a source of endorphins.
Make sure you don’t neglect your own inner light. You are worthy on your own.
I am worthy
I’ve been on the receiving end of control and abuse. I learnt a lot from those experiences
She makes me feel worthy, she makes sure that I know it
right one could probably be boiled down to:
heavy oversimplification warning
if anyone involved has their set of values / demands / needs met / heard / respected, with some room to
push each other forward — not like climbing the everest everyday, more of learning how to take smooth turns
grow — enjoy the things you enjoy, learn the skill you are learning, read the thing you want to read, self-discoveries, sharing experiences from your journeys
fail — nothing better forming in a relationship than some of those simple human fuckups sprinkled on top, especially valuable if the side doing the fucking up can do the cleaning up part too, or at least is learning (or willing to learn) how to do it.
quality time together — the more easily it happens, the better, but this takes time to learn and polish
bonus: one of the greatest indicators about what type of a person is on your side is how they react to your tiny wins and small joys. If they jump on board and enjoy them with you — that’s one of the healthiest indicators of long term relationship potentials. You like flowers, they will smile almost any time you enjoy gardening or talking about that one beautiful one you saw the other day. They like painting, you will just feel great seeing them covered with paint…
and so on — “I am team you” approach can get you through a lot, not everything automagically, but most of the obstacles down the road.
wrong one? Oh, we don’t have enough space on the internet to write all that down.
bonus: besides some heavily narcissistic or sociopathic partners, having the “is it working? / is it the right person?” thought process / verification is really great and often indicates that it is time for you, someone or everyone involved to grow a little, or a lot…
or sometimes just brings even more appreciation for the partner
Red Flags and Green Flags.
Really, it’s all about compatability.
One of the big red flags is how your partner treats “the help”. Do they acknowledge the receptionists? The wait staff? Do they tip well?
If they’re a complete asshole, and you aren’t, that’s a sign it’s never going to work.
OTOH - if you’re BOTH assholes, you’ll probably get along fine, everyone else is spitting in your food, but together you’ll be fine.
Wrong is a bit hard for me, maybe because “every happy couple is the same, while every unhappy one is unhappy in their own unique way” (para-quote from Tolstoy I think).
To me, I know what I have is right because I honestly feel like every joy we share is doubled, while every problem we share is halved. It’s a cliche, but I honestly mean it. When I’m happy with her, it makes me twice as happy just to see that she is happy. I honestly feel like the greatest joy in the world to me is to see her be happy. Likewise, if something is wrong, I want to help her in a way I’ve never experienced with anyone else, and can feel in my whole body that we’re in this together.
This doesn’t mean that we never get mad at each other, but when we do, we’ve always ended up remembering that, at the end of the day, we’re the most important thing in the world to each other. Whatever issues we’ve had, we’re in it together to solve them.
To round off with Tolstoy: I guess “wrong” would be if any of the above didn’t apply for whatever reason, that reason being unique in every case.
Do you trust them? Can you talk about anything with them? Is the sex good? Can you be honest to eachother? Are you happy?
If all are yes, you are in the right relationship.
