That sounds like a really good time.

That just sounds like one step up from what most consider vanilla sex. “Oh baby, I love it, harder, harder!” is about as much of a lie as “I have never consumed one unit of marijuana, sir.”

Remember that these things are basically ad-hoc devices that snake oil salesmen have convinced government agencies to buy into. The fact that your muscles near the buttocks move is enough for them to get the next level of the MLM, the interviewers, to be convinced that it can detect it.

The interviewers know this, and will fail you after reminding you multiple times that the only answers you can give is yes or no. The mental breakdown has to stay inside your head to be effective. ;)

Go take some classes on stress management and biofeedback and learn to control all those things they are testing for

The only real measure that they can read is your breathing rate. Everything else is so variable naturally that it’s just noise.

There’s a pad that you sit on that will register the flexing of muscles in the area.

Because they get people to admit to things they wouldn’t otherwise. A polygraph test starts with the interviewer “just talking” (and those are massive, giant quotation marks there) to you for about a half hour. They slip in little statements about other, experienced officers who are currently employed despite past wrongdoings, “because they admitted” to the bad shit. Meanwhile, when you admit to bad shit, guess who’s not getting hired?

The interviewer will give you a giant list to go through, asking if you’ve done any of the hundreds of bad things, and ask you to explain any “yes” answers you give to the question of committing a crime.

So now you’re primed to confess to things, and the interviewer and agency gets to comb through those confessions to see if they don’t want to hire you. They also get to reject you if they don’t like you and blame it on you failing the ‘lie detector’ test, or the interviewer can simply say you’re lying.

Go read the book called, and I may be remembering this incorrectly, ‘Beat the polygraph.’ It goes into the history, the failures, and the ‘science’ of polygraphs. It’s enough to get you pretty deep in the subject without reading actual research papers.