I’ll try to be generous and imagine that she thinks it’s easier on you to hear bad news from her than to go out and actually fail.

That’s the only remotely humane explanation I can come up with. But this is not at all what I would do. If my kid was enthusiastic about something, I would help them, let them fail, and tell them if they did their best and let them know they can keep trying.

I never tell my kids they are bad at something. I will tell them if they haven’t been practicing enough, or if others have practiced more than them. But that’s to help them understand that it’s about the effort you put in, not “how good you are.”

It does sound like you have a habit of rushing in with grand ambitions. “I’m going to make it to nationals,” etc. My kids do this as well. They learn how to solve a Rubik’s cube and then suddenly they’re out to break the world record. For whatever reason, it’s no enough for them to just solve the cube for fun, or just work on improving their own times. I guess it’s because kids don’t yet have fully formed self-esteem and are always looking for outside validation to prop them up.

You might benefit from thinking about what you get out of the sport and competition specifically.

Yo, this sounds like my parents. A sense of ‘never being good enough’ and ‘always having to do more’ can come from this and rob you of joy later in life.

Some parents suck, and I hope that you do okay.

I mean a dose of realism and honesty from parents is a much needed commodity these days but this is too much. Especially if the kid has proved so much dedication for an activity I think he/she/they deserves praise for only that to start with. I also think that comparing your kids with others’ kids is quite problematic and opens the door to a life long trauma of excessive self criticality and too much perfectionism.

feel like I won’t get anywhere in running

Running is the one sport where you’re guaranteed to get somewhere. Sure, it’s only 500 meters away. But it sounds like you’d benefit from distance from the crazy.

Some suggestions from an older internet rando:

Don’t dwell on the past, embrace it.

You worked your way up to a D3 runner, due 100% to your hard work, and despite the adversity of those who didn’t believe in you. Look back on that time as a challenge you overcame, and what brought you to the environment you are in today. Congratulations.

Consider telling your parents how you feel.

Right now, they are going around thinking that they pushed you hard, and that pushing is what got you where you are today. They are proud, of you for sure, but also of themselves as parents. Everyone, even your parents have the ability to learn where they were wrong, so consider opening up to them about how you appreciated their honestly, but their methods of delivering it hindered vs helped.

If you decide to do this, treat the conversation like your parents are the children, staying calm and informative, and you might be surprised how “adult” they treat you. And if they don’t, their loss.

Forgive, and move forward.

They did teach you to be reasonable, and try to remember it’s unlikely they meant purposeful harm. Regardless of if you discuss it with them, try to recognize it is your life now, and you get to choose how intactions go from here. Good luck in your races!

Note: Also, top tip, start reading research on nutrition. Cycling has completely changed due to advancements in nutritional planning (more money in cycling), and pro runners/trainers are starting to realize this, thus the studies popping up.

Sounds like my wife’s mother.

She’s a super narcissist and has some sort of desire to knock everyone else down when she feels like she’s not getting enough attention.

You deserved better from your parents.

Your mom killed my parents.

I have a story.

My mom died a couple of years back. She was a competent mom, kept us alive, clothed, fed, and educated, but not a very mom-like person. The priest was asking my sister for qualities he could highlight at the funeral and kept suggesting “nurturing” and my sister kept saying “not really, no” but he put it in anyway. My brother was a nationally ranked age group athlete, really good in his sport. When he came in second place and was frustrated, my mom, instead of pointing out what a great result that was or that his time had improved, said “well, if you want a different result do something different.”

Some of us just aren’t encouraging types. Maybe your mom was hurt in the past - not to say you should have to deal with her trauma, obviously it’s not your job! But she may think she is insulating you from disappointment, and I will caution you - no matter how well you do, if you exceed her expectations and yours, it probably won’t get you encouragement or praise. Run for YOU! Enjoy it! Secretly train to be fast and tell your mom you are just recreational. Or just run recreationally and for your own physical & mental health.

Sorry for you to go through this. I also had parents that always put me down and never encouraged me any way, but at least they didn’t do the comparing thing, that must have hurt.

Just do your own thing and i would recommend trying to set boundaries with your parents - at least your dad seems to try to respect them (asking you if he might tell the high school coach), and i think his comment about you coming a long way was him acknowledging the hard work and motivation you put in, at least i read it that way - expressing stuff like that might not be his strong suit. Your mom might be a different beast tho.

If your mom’s involvement in your activities is detrimental to your mental wellbeing, you might wanna tell her to stop talking like that about you, or you keep her out of the loop if you can. I don’t know if you are still living with them, and your options depend a lot on how dependent you are from them.

(Also, please try using paragraphs. it really helps with readability of longer posts)

My uncle is really critical of his kids athletic abilities (as well as his own), and they are now really negative about their own abilities, and my uncle doesn’t understand why they don’t want to try. I golfed with my cousin today (my uncle in the group behind) and I made it a point to compliment him and have a good time, and he golfed better than normal—not necessarily as good as his inner critic wanted—and had more fun golfing with family than normal. Positive reinforcement always seems more effective to me in helping people grow to meet their hopes and expectations, there are other times to have grounding conversations about whether their hopes and expectations are realistic or attainable, but not when they’re eager and trying.

I am really sorry to hear this. I’ve tried to help my kids keep their feet on the ground, but still encourage them to work hard and share the enthusiasm they have for the pursuits they have chosen. Your mom sounds like she’s dealt with disappointment and hasn’t processed it well, so she’s negative about your interest in running.

For what it’s worth, I think you show a lot of effort and work ethic, and that’s what gets people to state. I think you should continue to be an example to your teammates and encourage them to look for the positives.

As a parent this is kinda all over the place; I can’t figure out their motivation at all.

i hope I don’t get too much stupider when im old

There’s two (or more) sides to every story and the truth is often in the middle. I’m only reading your view on a situation here and I’m wary that I don’t have the full picture while writing this comment.

Your parents remind me of the meme “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole”.

There’s ways to frame feedback - if you’re not achieving a standard set by a teammate who already isn’t qualifying for upper levels of competition, then it’s not a reason to knock the dream on the head, but a part of a training roadmap. If you’re banging in 29min 5ks or 5000m events (I’m making the assumption that’s the distance in mind here), then the plan would be to adjust training and diet to tag each of the minute barriers until you can clear 22min and top your team’s timesheets.

After that, you can look at what generally gets you a qualifying time for state or national competitions, and train for that. Once you’ve achieved that then you’re probably beyond what your parents or coach can help with and you’ll probably need elite or semi-pro level of coaching after that.

Negativity from your parents isn’t helpful though, and no not everyone does it. I don’t know whether it comes from a place of personal failure in your mother’s youth or whether she’s scared that you’re running into the unknown, but it isn’t helpful.

As for your dad though, I thought that it was kinda cool that he wanted to let your HS coach about how you’re getting on now. Everyone’s first crack at a distance event is awful, that’s how you develop - so it’s cool to be able to say to your old coach “hey that first 5k wasn’t spectacular, but check these times out now!”.

Either way, you’re running for yourself. If you train well, your times will come down, and you will start turning heads - whether your parents are supportive or not. One of the most important lessons I learned (and I’m nowhere near club level running let alone elite level) is to run your own race. It’s good for the mind, good for the soul, and helps you sleep at night.

Good luck, well done on what you’ve achieved so far, and hopefully the stopwatch will start giving you much better feedback than your parents.

Tell them they can give you advice when they can beat you in a race.