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Cake day: December 15th, 2025

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  • In the fifth grade we were doing some group project thing where we had our desks grouped together while we were working on it. There were probably four of us in each group. One of the girls (we will call her Ashley) in my group was acting wildly, and I blurted out loudly “Ashley is having an orgasm!”

    There was a pause of silence and an eruption of laughter and a scolding cry from the teacher calling me to her desk and out into the hall. She marched me to the principals office. I am utterly confused at this point. I sat outside the principals office for what felt like an eternity while my teacher and her were discussing what to do with me.

    They called me into the office and had my mother on the phone and handed the phone to me and made me tell her what I said. I am still so confused, and I asked them and they all told me what I said was highly inappropriate and I received a three day suspension for sexual harassment. You see, I did not know what this word I had said actually meant, what I was trying to say and mean was “spasm” but neither authority figures nor my mother believed me. If you’re wondering if this was too harsh, this was in the bible belt south in the mid 90s. Not in an exactly progressive state in the US. Fuck those bitches, im still bitter about that!