For real. My father was a gynecologist and always said - “I need their file to remember their names, why would I remember their genitals?”

And from a business standpoint it would be very bad practice to talk about that stuff, if it comes out people are less likely to trust you.

A body at rest requires more energy to reach a given speed than one already in motion.

Can’t imagine living with the side chick during the divorce

I did, but it was my mom who betrayed my dad, we lived with her boyfriend for some time. But like I mentioned, my dad was an emotionally distant, almost cold alcoholic, who spent his time drinking alone or working instead of caring for his family. So I get that she had needs that weren’t fulfilled. Of course I was mad with her for some time but after some time I understood what moved her, as a child I didn’t really realize how our dad left us alone in that time.

Could my mom have made better decisions? Absolutely, she could’ve just divorced him.

Does my dad share blame for distancing himself from his family, years before the infidelity? Also yes.

Did I like living with my mom’s side piece? Hell no, I didn’t like that guy.

In the end it turned out alright, my dad got sober and through therapy learned to have meaningful relationships with his children and partners. My mom is married to another man, who I love dearly, even my father had an okay relationship with him.

All I’m trying to say is that human relationships are complicated, things like this betrayal don’t always happen in a vacuum. I mean sometimes they do, but we don’t know that here.

Hey, that person isn’t a good role model and did something absolutly deplorable. I want you to understand that this not a way to act and that these actions are very hurtful and demeaning to me and our family.

These actions now do have consequences, which is why I am divorcing him. I hope you will understand that I can not reconcile the betrayal and that actions like this will always hurt people and have harsh consequences.

But I understand that this person is your father and your relationship to him is important to you so I will try to make peace with that, in order to not hurt you any more than has already been done.

Seems also like a reasonable thing to say to your child. You know, not instrumentalizing your child to hurt the partner that betrayed you. Seems selfish to me, but what do I know.

But I should’ve know better than to expect healthy nuance from an online discussion anyways.

Edit: I got a little combative there, which was unnecessary

It’s not that hard of a concept to understand. In the described scenario both did something wrong, which is why I said, that both are partially wrong (regarding the described problem).

He is wrong for betraying his family and she is wrong for trying to pull the child into their dispute by making them choose sides.

So OP posted this, not only because his dad cheated and not only because his mom is trying to make them choose, but because of BOTH those things happening.

Honestly from what we know, which is next to nothing, both parents here are in the wrong partially.

But as someone else already said here, humans and their relationships are super complex and from just a little paragraph we shouldn’t judge either of them too harshly.

For example, my mom cheated on my dad, but we children stayed with her and understood her actions, because our dad was an emotionally unavailable alcoholic at that time. He turned himself around in the years following, becoming a better father. Both my parents made grave mistakes during their marriage and both shared blame in the breaking apart of our family and both, over time, accepted their part in it.

Life is not that easy, for none of us, everybody makes mistakes.

Maybe read your own point 2 again…