I’ve been with a lady for two years and recently started dating her new boyfriend. We all consented to the relationship and so far, it’s going good. I’ve also heard from some people though who used to date many people that it didn’t work out so they decided to date monogamously.
i am more than one person, but i can’t comment about it
It’s working out great! I’ve been openly polyamorous for a few years now. Romantically engaging with multiple people has allowed for the longest-running, most secure relationships I’ve ever had, with basically no downsides except the fuCKING work. It complicates the logistics (my shared calendar is a nightmare) as well as the emotions. (recognizing when I am jealous is a nightmare)
But the payoff is so worth it. We make the best use of the time we have together, because we have to. We communicate effectively, because we have to. Through many intersecting relationships with appropriate boundaries we’ve weaved a cohesive family unit, one that achieves a lot of mutual aid needs around housing, food, and mental health support among local queers. I’ve grown a lot as a person through having to communicate my insecurities, sort out my trauma, and think more clearly about the people in my life.
I think some people on the internet have heard of insane polycule drama at some point and declared it categorically unapproachable. But idk, we don’t write off monogamous relationships because a cousin’s friend’s marriage exploded. Polyamorous relationships run the same spectrum of great to dogshit, but with less rules that monogamous relationships demand, we have so much more flexibility to solve problems when they come up.
My partner and I met as young, straight, and monogamous. We’ve been together for 18 years, and married for 13. We opened our relationship about 10 years ago, and now each have two other partners we’ve been with for several years (with some dating in between). We love where our lives have ended up, and are very glad we started dating multiple people. It’s definitely more complicated to manage multiple intimate relationships, but worth the effort if you’re inclined that way, I think.
glad it worked out for y’all! It seems rare for a monogamous relationship to be successfully opened up, rather than it being the expectation from the outset. I can imagine it being a big challenge and test of your compatibility + ability to communicate. Was that your experience?
I’m a little unclear. Are you saying you are dating her new boyfriend? If it is the case you and another person are dating her, don’t eliminate the possibility she is breaking up with you without breaking up with you.
I have been dating non monogamously for something like 15 years now. It’s not without it’s unique challenges, but most of the problems people have with polyamory are actually problems they have with monogamy as well, it’s just easier to avoid dealing with certain things (like relationship insecurity) when monogamy allows people to pretend they aren’t happening or to lionize expressing them negatively (as jealousy, for example). In my opinion, even if you decide it’s not for you, exploring non monogamy is very likely going to give you better tools and healthier perspectives than you’d have if you remained “safely” monogamous your entire life.
It’s definitely been working out for me, for years now. I have two boyfriends, they get along well and also both date other people. There were a few growing pains of course. Overall though, smoother than expected!
