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Step #1: Integrate “AI” into all ACME products; including anvils and dynamite.

Step #2: Draft press release that we expect to have solved the “roadrunner conundrum” by the end of the third quarter.

Step #3: Repeat Step #2 for a couple of years.

Step #4: Fail to deliver on the promise of Step #2.

Step #5: Exit the business with my now substantial fortune, leaving the Wyle E. Coyote holding the bag.

Is it a printer? Hold on. I will come help you throw it out the window.

Is your last name “Braddock” by any chance?

You seem pretty sure about that.

“Lets use Oracle DB for that.”

Statements made by the utterly deranged.

No. But there are a number of advantages of using PostgreSQL over the others.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“No.”

Best I can do is 9 .33 caliber balls, five times in a row.

10 minutes later…

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In my experience, Excel gets a lot of developer hate primarily for two reasons.

1.) They’ve seen it abused way too often. Things like using a workbook as a database or placing a copy to a shared one on everybody’s desktop and treating it like it’s a distinct application. In total fairness, Excel was not designed for either of those scenarios.

2.) They don’t know how to use it effectively.

To be clear, I’m no Microsoft fan and there are legitimate things to hate about Excel. But, it can be a very valuable tool in your toolbox if used properly.

Excel’s bread and butter is data analysis and for that it is a phenomenal tool. Despite many claims to the contrary that I’ve heard over the years, none of the other spreadsheet programs currently available can fully match it’s capabilities.

I can take data sets from a variety of different sources and parse, combine, refine, and distill them down to a really nice looking report that someone upstairs can read in a small fraction of the time it would take me to whip up an application to accomplish the same thing. If they want to adjust the the fields on the report, it’s super easy to make some quick changes to a pivot table.

There is a point where Excel is no longer the best tool for the job. In my opinion, the most obvious indicator that this point has been reached is when there’s a need for multiple people to manipulate the contents of a workbook. When that starts happening, it’s time to look for a more scalable solution. If data in an Excel workbook is being used as the “source of truth”, as in raw data is being stored in it rather than it pulling the raw data from elsewhere, that’s a recipe for disaster.

That said, I also realize that not every organization has the same resources. I’ve worked with plenty of small non-profits that don’t have the money to hire devs to create nice fancy software suites for them and primarily work off of spreadsheets. It’s not ideal but it’s understandable. If they’re doing good work, I’m not going to judge them too harshly for using Excel as a database. In those situations, I usually suggest having a comprehensive disaster recovery plan and solid, frequent data backups.

One of my old bosses, who was an electrical engineer, liked to say, “The choices are often not between right and wrong but somewhere between worst and best”. Sometimes Excel is a good tool for the job. Sometimes it isn’t. Knowing when a particular tool is the right one is learned by experience.

OK, Art Vandelay.

Delivery services hate this one simple trick: Going out to eat/takeout.

I lolled at this comment.

When my wife turned 18, she had her last name legally changed to her stepdad’s. That was her way of telling him who he was to her.

My oldest doesn’t share my last name and still calls me by my first name to my face. But, I know she refers to me as “dad” when she thinks I’m not around.

No regrets dating or marrying a single mom. She is still my best friend and the person I most enjoy being around.

Well he promised to “run it like a business.” Unfortunately, most of his business experience is scams and running casinos into the ground.

Who does he think designs all the shit that he works on?

I have a VERY comprehensive budget that I do every year. Things often don’t go according to plan but they go better than if I didn’t have a plan at all. I’m also pretty frugal so I don’t like spending money on non-essentials if I don’t have to.

However, the thing that I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that there is a very close relationship between time and money. Now I have more money than time which has required me to shift my thinking a bit.

For instance, around the house I frequently run into projects that I could do with the tools I already have. But, there’s an expensive power tool that will either help me do the job better or reduce the time it takes to do the project. If I think the tool will meet either of those criteria and I will use it more than once, I’ll usually buy it.

Time is finite. If I can buy some of it back or maximize the value I’m getting from it, it’s worth it to me to spend a little money.

I find being honest with myself to be easy anymore. It’s not something I’ve always been good at but I’ve worked on it. Understanding myself is still hard at times. If I’m feeling a certain way about something, sometimes I have to pause for a while to think about why.

Example: the wife and I have an argument about something (which is rare) and I take offense to something she said. She never says anything with the intent of offending me. I know this even though I’m feeling angry. Instead of just reacting in anger, I like to put a pause on the discussion, be alone for a while, and think about why I was offended.

The reasons vary but I pretty much always figure it out, after which I’m ready to resume the discussion with, it nothing else, a little more clarity.

He was an incredibly talented artist. I think his father deserves most of the blame for Michael’s bizarre behavior. Most adults would struggle with the pressures of fame and performing that he spent his whole life under from the time he was like 10 years old. Joe recognized that his kids were talented and then proceeded to squeeze every last red cent he could out of them. No wonder Michael snapped.

It happens but it’s rare. My wife initially asked me out. It wasn’t that I was afraid to ask her out. My first marriage was really bad. I was still working through that and didn’t feel like I was ready for a relationship.

For the sake of honesty, I told her pretty much exactly that. She almost changed her mind. Too many previous dates that were either “divorced” or “getting divorced” only to eventually discover that their wives were not at all aware of this sudden change in their relationship status.

Instead, for whatever reason she said, “That’s ok. We can just go have some fun. No pressure at all.” That was 8 years ago.