25+ yr Java/JS dev
Linux novice - running Ubuntu (no windows/mac)

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Joined 11 months ago
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Cake day: October 14th, 2024

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  • I mean I’ve felt that way before, too. In my case, when I’m not on my ADHD meds, I’m truly a worthless person, contributing nothing at work, waiting around to get fired, etc. I also needed my wife and family to unlock my self-worth in other ways, but that’s a lot more personal and fraught. Maybe there is something that can unlock your worth however you choose to measure it. Good luck, bother.


  • Hey, friend. Just remember that broken trust speaks ill of them, not you. And as for a bad track record, I find that the most trusting people are also the most trustworthy. Right now that’s pretty much all I know about you, but it’s enough to believe you’re making the world around you better. I don’t think your problem is trust, but rather being in a position where broken trust leaves you in an untenable situation.

    I don’t know your reasons for hating yourself. Those belong to you. But whatever they are, whether they are valid or not, you don’t deserve hate. Hell, I wouldn’t waste my time hating anyone — hate has never solved a single problem. Give yourself some grace and room to make mistakes and improve. And then to stumble and do it again. We all have.

    No lie, part of life is just luck, and for that part I hope yours is good. But the rest of it is in your hands, and those sound like decent hands to be in.



  • MagicShel@lemmy.ziptoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.worldWhat keeps you hopeful?
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    1 day ago

    The world is both bigger and smaller than our problems. There always ways to make things better — which is what hope is, right? The idea that if we just stick with it things will get better?

    My wife is out of town with her dad, our oldest, and grandson. I’m here taking care of our youngest two. I could be lonely, but yesterday I took my daughter to a state park and we walked some trails. I had hoped we’d run into some horses for her while we were there and damned if we didn’t do just that. 3 Fresians and a Paint — looked like the only ones there based on trailers, and not only were we there at the same time but we crossed paths.

    Thrilled my daughter and she got to tell me all about her plans and efforts to own a small farm and horses some day. If anyone else told me without any history of farming they were going to take it up I’d be skeptical, but if anyone can, she can. I’m hopeful for her. This world might just burn to the ground, but that one will achieve her dreams before it happens.

    Today between my back and my feet after that walk I can barely stand, but I’m on my deck with a cigar and a beer and a bright sunny day and… the world doesn’t care about me. It has no expectations. Nothing is riding on my shoulders. I can just exist in this moment and look at nature around me and realize all the fire and ice and devastation that must’ve passed through here before has all given way and been rebuilt to the beautiful day in front of my eyes.

    It’s hard not to be hopeful, really. There is so much beauty in this world that exceeds the ugliness of this little screen in my hand.

    Your mileage may vary.





  • I like write freely. Paper.wf has been down for a couple of weeks, but I like how clean it is and how much it just feels like a blank piece of paper. It feels like I don’t have to build a brand — I feel like it actively discourages that.

    But it being down is discouraging. I can’t even get to the stuff I’ve written to migrate it elsewhere. If there is a host that is reliable, I’d give it another shot, but last time I looked most of them not open registration for free tiers.

    Might take a look at write.as.





  • MagicShel@lemmy.ziptoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world*Permanently Deleted*
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    10 days ago

    And that is pretty much all true to an extent. It is largely not what I see from folks who say your kids become your whole life. I’m happy to take my kids into account, but I also leave plenty of space to live for me, too.

    Though I will say you still have to go on some vacations by yourself because a vacation with kids is anything but a vacation.


  • I’d say not only is that not worth fixing, but to have the front 1/2" lower than the back would be ideal to get rain and melted ice to flow out of the garage rather than pooling. That assumes it isn’t below the driveway, though, because in that case it wouldn’t do any good (and if you have a heated garage will lead to your garage door freezing to the floor… ask how I know).


  • MagicShel@lemmy.ziptoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world*Permanently Deleted*
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    10 days ago

    My job as a parent is to make sure my kids are healthy, emotionally balanced, and self-sufficient around the age of 18. With the understanding that none of that is entirely under my control, and having less and less influence as they get older.

    The greatest influence I can have is how I live my life, because actions speak louder than words. That means being healthy, and emotionally balanced, which is clearly not slavishly dedicating my life to someone else.

    The philosophy of “live your life for your kids” is more about judging parents when things go awry (often through no specific parenting fault) than offering helpful advice for people trying to parent, and in fact if you try to follow it, it turns out to be very poor advice.


  • I don’t exactly know. My wife and kids help me stay sane (or push me in the other direction). They are my everything, even though I wish I had some other outlets.

    I have a friend I see every year or two.

    I had another friend who transitioned and we drifted apart because every conversation revolved around that and as happy as I am for her, our relationship began around gaming and movies and nerd stuff and that glue just faded away. I’m still emotionally invested in her well-being, but we don’t have anything in common any more.

    Another close friend lost his job and moved states to live with his brother and mom

    And that’s basically it. Other than my family, I just have social media, but I’m pretty private and don’t really open myself up online, preferring to interact anonymously. So I don’t have any advice to help, but you’re not alone (in a totally unhelpful way).




  • Target is an interesting case study. Largely self-inflicted, but conservatives remember them having trans bathrooms and liberals remember them taking them away (not that that was the only issue, they have become blatantly racist as well). It’s too narrow and too slow, but that’s what results when society rejects an institution.

    It would be great if we could narrowly focus on a few egregious examples and wreck them, but getting everyone to non-organically agree on who to target (no pun intended) is going to be difficult.